Reframing Our Stories
- 3 minute read.
- Last Updated: 10/2/2025
In a world increasingly shaped by division and misunderstanding, the stories we tell ourselves matter more than ever. In this quick tip, Crucial Conversations co-author, Joseph Grenny, gives us some practical ways to reframe our stories and lay the groundwork for dialogue.
Start with Heart
Ask yourself: what do I really want for me, for others, and for the world we both live in? This question helps me dig deeper beyond the shallow satisfaction of one-upping someone to exploring the kind of human I want to be. Do I want to be part of creating a world where emotional and psychological violence are fair game in disagreements?
Watch Your Language
If I am more circumspect in how I characterize my actions, and more humane in how I refer to those who differ from me, my emotions soften profoundly. I’m not suggesting soft-pedaling difference, I am simply suggesting dropping the double-standard of justifying my own pettiness while villainizing that of others.
Get Curious
Rather than assuming people hold their views because they are evil, I try to start from a perspective of “I wonder how the things that have influenced me differ from those that influenced them?” I’ve had some rich conversations with people from markedly different worlds than mine by starting from this place. We rarely ended up agreeing. But for my part I ended up appreciating.
Build Common Ground
Even in fierce disagreement, shared concerns like family, safety, or fairness often exist. Naming them creates a foundation of mutual purpose. Most people with views extremely different from mine are motivated to hold them by desires for safety, fairness, faith or other values I share.
There has never been a more important time for us to learn to be aware of how susceptible we are to adopting the stories fed to us by persuasive voices who thrive on division. Escalating bitterness and resentment is not evidence of irreconcilable differences. It is evidence of our failure to interrogate and master our stories about one another.
We encourage you to join an upcoming Q4 Crucial Conversations class to learn more about how to effectively and respectfully communicate with those around you! Check out the Learning and Leadership Development Course Catalog here!
-An excerpt from Why Good People Do Bad Things by Joseph Grenny
Greeny, Joseph (2025, September 24). Why Good People Do Bad Things. Crucial Learning. https://cruciallearning.com/blog/why-good-people-do-bad-things/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Email-newsletter_crucialskills&mkt_tok=MzEzLUxPVC00NDcAAAGdGsuEToe6vbAXPMj5yfKzB1ZJrSVEofyd8SMb1NMazdu2FNvjfNfrsKuFlALRJFs4gi4DjqhZ_kt80n5eHIIp00ihEUeIZnlLX8KMC1L-tFGOjg
