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Handling Holiday Doldrums
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Despite, or sometimes because of, the excitement, joy and hectic schedule around the holiday season, it is not uncommon for us to feel "blue," "down," or out of touch with the holiday spirit.
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Lonely Days
If you have recently lost a loved one, the holiday season is the anniversary of such a loss, or you are away from loved ones, remember that you can start new traditions. It may not be easy at first, but if you are able to repeat these holiday traditions over the next few years, they may begin to feel comfortable.
If you are feeling blue, it is hard to be enthusiastic for activities such as gift giving or party-going. The holiday season is an especially difficult time if you feel lonely. Participate in holiday activities at a level that feels comfortable to you, but try not to isolate yourself. Attending a holiday party might pick up your spirits.
Create an environment that makes you happy. Direct your energies to projects that will make you feel better about yourself and add new dimensions to your life. Choose the kinds of experiences that will be valuable and enriching. Maybe you can volunteer your time to help those less fortunate.
It's your choice
As adults, we are responsible for the way we feel -- happy, angry, sad or depressed. We make choices in the way we behave but often find it easier to blame other people or situations when our choices cause negative feelings. We need to admit that we have control over our mental health and choose to feel depressed or happy.
Only you can decide whether to make this holiday season an opportunity to expand your life or allow it to send you into the depths of despair. If you choose to make your holiday fun, the rewards of discovering your inner friend, the one upon whom you can always count, can be a wonderful gift to yourself.
From "blues" to depression
Many adults experience holiday blues. If you feel that the blues might be drifting into depression, it may be time for professional help.
Signs of serious depression that should not be ignored include: being unusually gloomy and withdrawn, tending to isolation; showing a marked contrast in behavior; feeling hopeless because of a recent loss (job, death, separation, divorce); experiencing trouble sleeping, appetite changes, and/or loss of ambition or energy; or giving an indication that a suicide has been thought-out. If these symptoms persist for a period of time they may begin to interfere with daily living. When depression is left untreated, it can lead to thoughts of suicide which become magnified when those around us appear happy, or when our loved ones tell us we should not feel depressed.
Warning signs
There are certain things that individuals do or say when they are considering suicide that should not be overlooked. Be concerned when your loved one talks about death or suicide, even if you think he or she could never follow through. When individuals begin finalizing plans, giving away prized possessions, or when they suddenly appear to be at peace following severe depressive symptoms, it is essential to listen. Do not disregard their messages; they may be asking for your help.
If you are unsure where to seek help for yourself or a loved one who is depressed, contact your family clergy or physician. We cannot turn off holiday depression overnight, nor can we easily jump into action when we are depressed. The good news is that there are choices we can make to help us feel better and to make this new year happy and successful.
Depression: not an 'adults only' condition
Adults aren't the only members of the family who may be feeling less than happy during the holidays.
Adolescent counselors agree that teens who are already having emotional or family problems may feel particularly sad at this time of the year.
In fact, teens who have been through a loss may revisit those feelings during the holidays. They remember "better" Christmas' past - holiday seasons before the divorce, before the death, before the move - that make this season seem worse in contrast.
A household's holiday worries over money or time pressures may have an impact on the family's teen. It is common that when a family experiences problems, kids feel it, too.
Pressures to be happy and joyful during the holidays can also be tough on teens. Painful memories or losses may be triggered by the season.
Adolescent counselors have compiled a list of helpful suggestions for parents and teens to better cope with holiday depression.
For parents
- Keep some traditions to provide continuity, but, as a child grows older, create new traditions.
- Ask children for opinions on which traditions to maintain, which to drop, and some to add.
- Call a family meeting to discuss holiday plans. Let your teen know her ideas will be valued.
- Let your teen know it is fine to have ups and downs during this season.
- Encourage your child to talk about his feelings. If he doesn't feel comfortable talking with you, encourage him to speak with a school counselor or other trusted adult.
- Seek professional help if symptoms of depression last longer than two to three weeks.
For teens
- Let go of the past. Don't be disappointed if the holidays aren't like they used to be. Create your own new traditions. Buy holiday gifts for a needy child or volunteer some time at your favorite charitable organization.
- Let go of unrealistic expectations.
- Exercise - it will help you work through feelings of anger.
- Seek out a school counselor or a social service agency for emotional support if you feel isolated from family or friends.