Holiday Survival Handbook


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Blended Families and Yuletide Challenges

Step families are the fastest growing family type in America. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, with 70% of divorced people remarrying within five years. On a more positive note, studies show children from divorced families are no more likely to develop emotional problems than children from intact homes.

The first year is the toughest, however, and short-term problems are a given. And whether you are dealing with parenting issues related to a recent divorce, a new marriage, or single parenting, the holidays bring an extra dose of challenge to an already stressful situation. Family members are coping with new and different traditions regarding holiday meals, decorations, and even when to open presents.

Blended Families
Don't let the prefix "step" fool you. The needs of your family are the same as the needs of any other family. Building a family is a process, though, so take things slow. Allow time for you, your new spouse, and the children to adjust. Be prepared to be challenged in your new role by the children.
During the holidays, it is important for children to spend quality time with their biological parents. Don't allow children to feel pulled and confused due to divided loyalties. Make arrangements and adjustments for children to be able to celebrate Christmas with both biological parents. Good relationships are a must at all times, and will certainly make things easier during the already hectic holiday season. If this is your first holiday season as a new family, pay special attention to making things easy for the children.

Newly Remarried Parents

Give your partner time to develop a relationship with your children. Realize that it make take considerable time for family members to become close. Don't expect something magical to happen just because it is Christmas.

Treat all children in the family equally in terms of rules, responsibilities, and gift-giving. Keep in mind that in a healthy family, the children seek approval from the adults, not the other way around. You must accept the fact the children will not always be joyful over every change.

Be sure to create "alone time" for you and your spouse. In addition to the children getting used to the new family dynamics, you need to get used to your new relationship with your spouse. Keeping the focus on your marriage will help everyone adjust.

Single Parents
No matter what the circumstances surrounding your new single parent status -- death of a spouse, divorce, extended travel, or personal choice -- you are faced with the extra challenge of managing the holiday activities alone. The best advice for you is to think ahead.
Budget your finances for gift-giving and budget your time. Plan your activities, and involve your children in the planning. Ask the children for extra help with the regular home chores during this hectic time, and assign holiday responsibilities involving decorating, meal preparation, and gift-wrapping so you do not have to do everything by yourself.
Spend time with your extended family and friends. Broaden your holiday traditions by inviting others to join you.
Take care of yourself -- physically and emotionally. Eat right, exercise, manage stress, and talk out your problems with someone you trust. Spend time with other adults in social activities.

Make this Holiday Season Meaningful

To build a new family, each member must understand one another's different experiences. Whether you are blending a family, coping with a recent divorce, or in the single parent role, this holiday season can be special for you. Be creative and enjoy the season. Often solutions result by leaving some of the "old" ways of doing things intact, while building brand new traditions.

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